Losing My Virginity When I have Cerebral Palsy

Hi Ted,

I have cerebral palsy and I’m just about to go on a third date with a girl I really like. I think it has the potential to go somewhere. I’ve never had sex before, and wondered if you had any advice, as someone that also has CP?

Thanks,

A

Hi A,

Congratulations on securing a third date with the potential of going fourth base – not a mean feat indeed. The most succinct advice I can give is not to worry. First times are always messy, cumbersome and leave you wondering if sex is ‘all that’. But trust me, it gets better!

However, as I have cerebral palsy myself I can offer some practical advice. Here are some little tips to point you in the right direction of how to make things as enjoyable as possible when you lack coordination. Firstly, I don’t know how important it is to you to unhook your first bra, but it may well be and you may well feel this is a task you cannot perform (most men, CP or not, struggle!). In this instance you could always ask her to unbuckle it while you hold it in place and then you get to perform the ‘reveal’ without the fiddly bit.

You could apply this to the other aspects of undressing so you can get the thrill of doing it yourself minus the need for the fine motor skills you may lack.

As for the actual act it’s important you don’t feel embarrassed about the things you can’t do. I really struggle crawling on a mattress (I fall into my own indent!!), so if you fancy a trip down south maybe think about other ways of getting there. Getting out of bed and kneeling could offer much more stability.

I would imagine that being your first time and accepting the restrictions of your movements she will ‘do all the work’ no questions asked. However if you build up a relationship with this woman you could have a think about and discuss ways you could take more control. That’s if, and only if you want to. I mentioned in a previous answer trying doggy style with a grabrail to help with stability, this could be a way for you to feel more in control.

And lastly, a piece of advice not specifically centred around disability. Don’t forget that when the show is over (and this may take no time at all, which is fine!) there are plenty of other ways you can still ensure the satisfaction of both parties! So don’t worry about this at all.

Have fun!!

Best

Ted

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